I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
