that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
