he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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