I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
