you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
