I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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