so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
