It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
