just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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