Soap is not a condiment
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
