Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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