So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
