Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
