Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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