I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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