I think im going to throw up on grandma
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
