what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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