last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
