just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
