so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
