having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
