You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
