Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
