dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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