you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
