You're completely useless in the revolution.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
