I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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