I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize