i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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