Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
