Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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