Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
