kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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