you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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