do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
