I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
