marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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