Where did you get a picture of my penis
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
