apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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