1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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