Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
