As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
