i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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