He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
