I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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