I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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