So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He did a backflip because drugs
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
