pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
