Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
only you would photoshop your dick
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
