2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.