I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog