Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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