i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.