I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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