remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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