when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
