White coat. Heels.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
