I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
