All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So squirting runs in the family.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
