you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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