some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
