Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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