god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
