therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
