Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
