I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
