i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
