It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
