A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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