i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You ruined the universe
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
