There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
