I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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