In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
