Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
