Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
