I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
