Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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