she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
