I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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