I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
